The Comforts of History

my life, my guts are all twisted up around my sides and neck
nausea muscles ripple my sheets, hot to the touch like fever
this is sudden, and I am repentant
				      as walls radiate headaches and shiver
no pillows or sheets bring comfort, I am in a tomb, timeless fear

even the dreams of yesterday are here and I fear them
I wish only for horrid solitude I once owned, total sacred silence
it now feels like heaven and even the sick days and raven nights
are respite havens from this hounding unknown that pulls my hair

lifetimes pass each month	the fall, a century
a lover per season, lives destroyed

here, with my stomach dying acid fits and time whipping me like a dog
fate hiding like a fortune, I see empty weeks ahead full of everything I want
and fear and loath and desire
			          just like yesterday, just like every day
the past is warm with comfort no matter how rotten the stench
I reach for it but find only the cold carpet extending for miles

James H. Duncan